"Questions"

I've been asking lots of questions of myself lately.

Questions like these..

Why do I blog?

Our lives are so boring and common.

Our dreams are forever on hold, and I don't like it one little bit...

I've always been so busy,working, making a home.

Why on earth do I blog?

Why tell my stories?

Will anyone understand me when I pour my heart on these pages.

Oh yes, I have won and lost many would be friends..

On these pages because of my erratic behavior.

If I write anything here, will anyone know how self-destructive I am.

It's very hard to listen to people who constantly complain.

People that talk about depression & cancer...

What it does to you?

The pain is becoming real now..and I know things are changing.

Beyond here there be Dragons!!!

This next chapter could be my SwanSong..

and I know it.

But I can only be me..

I can only be real..

A girl can only smile it away for so long..

Then you're tired of the pretense.

and you gotta put it out there.

Or crawl into bed

Cover up your head.

blessings,

glenda

"Short Story Saturday"

     She couldn't think of a day when she had been this tired...so exhausted her legs felt like rubber beneath her body. She has fought for so long, pushing, phone calls, pushing, so many different doctors she had to resort to maps to find them. She's never been so mentally exhausted in her life.
She stops to consider the fact..."I'm not a girl anymore, we're not in Kansas anymore." She remarks to her hubby "I feel like I've been pulled through a knot hole backwards." And he laughs.

    The next day after he had steroid shots in his spine, she can tell he is so much better than he was.

He's walking more, and he's walking better, standing straighter, and she silently thanks the doctor.

And says out loud " Praise God" The wind is at our back again, and we can move forward again.

Maybe they can have a life again...get out more...fix up a broken yard..it's been neglected for 2 years now. It saddens here every time she ventures out, remembering the way it was then..Before all the trauma, seeing him go down more and more each day has been very hard on her.

He's been her strength all these years, now she had to do his chores as well as her own.

He's built cabinets for her out of pallet oak. All kinds of things, really. They used to do the flea market together, garage sales and estate sales were a regular gig for them on Saturdays.
Well, he's out working on his little tractor today, two days after the treatment.
She's thankful beyond words.

Now she can finally dream again, her hopes were rising...Hope Rises, ya know. And hope springs eternal in the human heart..doesn't it. She's weak in the knees herself when she tries to work outside.
She knows she has to get up, get out there and try again.
So she turns off the TV {American Pickers} is on, and it hurts to leave it, she's been living vicariously thru their adventures because she was afraid to leave him in the house alone.

There was listing to do on ebay, and the sheds are full of things she has decided to group in boxes for $10.00 a box that will ship for $12.85 Priority mail. The next few days will be busy with that.
And so she left her chair and whispered to herself " Here we go."~



have an amazing week...

glenda

" Sober-Minded"

 

"Be sober minded. Be watchful" { I Peter 5:8}

What's does that mean???  It means I have to work on 'Emotional Sobriety"

Emotional sobriety applies to maintaining emotional balance.. It means I need to attend to my emotional life when I am angry, discouraged and frustrated. During these times am likely to react again and again, creating unbalance in my relationships. My family, husband, kids, grandies.

I'm not only a reactor in the worst way, i am often a nuclear reactor..leaving those caught in the crossfire wondering..."What just happened."

Hey girls, breaking news...

this is the link I wanted to give you.

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/archives.html

               And so today, while I am researching what I need to do to find emotional stability.

Enjoy your day...this is leap day, we won't have this day again for 4 years.

Do something fun with it..

Hugs,

"Saturday, Spice Cake, and a dream"

 
    Jolted awake by a very strange dream, one involving a friend from her past and another friend in her future, she's a little bit shaken. She hates the dreams that come in the early morning... like a dream on the fringes of her mind, because she tends to try to analyze it the rest of the day. Perhaps the old friend needs a phone call to see if all is well. Maybe she needs to listen more closely to the friend who teaches. She can feel the anxiety begin to fill her chest when she hears her husband open the bedroom door, he's trying to be very quiet so he won't disturb her. She hears herself say "It's ok, I'm awake, and then they tell each other good morning, asking each other "Did you sleep well."
    
    He wants cereal this morning, so she doesn't have to cook, she pulls her laptop on her lap and thus begins her day. She's been sleeping in a recliner since she had a bi-lateral mastectomy due to cancer 12 years before. Now she can't sleep in a bed at all, if she does she has a terrible backache that takes her hours to get relief from, so she doesn't try anymore.

    Putting a load of clothes in the washing machine, she remembers it's Saturday. Maybe she will bake a cake, a spice cake that fills the small house with wintertime smells. After it cools, she will drizzle some frosting on it. Her husband loves spice cake, she knows he will want a slice in the afternoon.The fragrance of vanilla candles and a spice cake together makes her reconsider her decision to join Weight Watchers a week before. In the old days, they were more stringent than they are now. Nowadays, you can eat just about anything, *Just count the Points is her new mantra.
   
    Saturday huh...she's always hated Saturday, and she doesn't know why. The only good thing about Saturday is garage sales..she smiles at the thought and the timer goes off, telling her the cake is done.As she goes to redeem the hot cake from the oven, the timer goes off on the dryer, and the day is getting busier. When the dishes are done she takes a break and returns to her computer. She can still feel the adrenaline, but it's slowly going away. Her nerves seem to be on the edge all the time lately. Wondering what the kids are up to, she goes to facebook to see if there are more pictures along with words that tell her what's going on in the family.

    As her husband falls into his long afternoon nap, she begins to write a story. A story about Saturdays, Spice cake, and a dream....

"A Little Light on the Subject"

I found this little muffin tray last week after I had been admiring Brenda's at the Cozy Little Cottage.for months... It's a soft faded color of green that I love, and I hope she doesn't mind me borrowing her idea. I come here to read the stories and see the pictures, see what you all have been up to.

I got an interesting email this morning...Seems there's a guy researching a part of our history for a PBS program...hmmmm...that's pretty cool.

~*~

Well, there was a group of ladies in Tennessee that wanted to take part in the war.

Perhaps they were bored or jealous of the fact they couldn't take part.

So they started their own all female company and call themselves the "Rhea County Spartans"

These gals must have had a lot of grit...they went thru some pretty mean scrapes with the enemy.

Mary Isabel Keith Whaley was one, and they show a Rachel Howard Howell, This Rachel later married my great-grandfather, Thomas Whaley, making Mary & Rachel sister in laws.

I know she was involved with them,someone well versed in our family tree told me years ago.

Like lots of the census and things, they spelled her last name wrong. Oh Well...

~*~

And then out of the blue, I get this email from a stranger...

And now I'm feeling like a detective again.

I wanna go and search it out. Find out more about these extraordinary women....And the search is on..

glenda

"Take good care of my Baby"

It's been a long, hard haul takin' care of my baby.

From one doctor to another.

He's gettin' pretty tired of it......

Someone is supposed to call and set him up for 3 shots 2 weeks apart.

Shots of steroid in his spine cause his spine is lying on the nerves that go down into his legs, nearly rendering him crippled... Ouch!

We just keep putting one foot in front of the other..when we can walk, that is.

I've tried hard to keep a stiff upper lip thru all of this..

but the bottom lip keeps trembling all the time.

If you don't mind, I think I'll find a quiet place and

Let it all out..